Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Day 18: Ten Things I Like About Myself

Day 18 of the 31 day challenge. As an aside, I googled the song I posted yesterday because I couldn't sleep and found this article with a bit of an interview of the singer/songwriter of the band. I'll definitely have to listen to the full album, called Hope. The gist of the song is this:

"Basically the song is about fighting your inner demons. Trying to change and become a better person in life. I write songs to reflect where I’m at in life, and this song is me saying to the world that I’m doing my absolute best right now to be a good person."

Now, today's topic:

Ten Things I Like About Myself

I might have groaned out loud when I read today's prompt yesterday. Mostly, it left me in a funk (darn headache doesn't help). In frank honesty, at this juncture, I'm not liking myself too much. When I was younger, there were a few women I was lucky enough to know for a time, and I thought to myself, "I want to be like her when I grow old." Like her meaning oozing a certain grace and peace to those around you.

I'm anything but grace and peace. I fight an inner anger and impatience. The battle feels so constant, especially as it worsens with stress (bodily or mentally). Oh, how I laugh whenever I think of how "patient" I was when I only had my first child.

Growing older also meant physical changes, and I wanted to be ok with that. But I'm not. I feel robbed of my youth fighting this fatigue and other issues since I was 19. I feel like I am old already, and that scares me. Plus, gaining all this weight with my thyroid has thrown me into a world of doubt and insecurity that I never could have imagined, and all I can think is, "How can a young girl struggle with this weight?"

Sob, sob. That's enough.

I suppose the first thing I will say I like about myself has everything to do with God, not me, because it is the fact that though I am beaten down, I get back up and try again - not on my own, but with God's grace.

I'm an organizer. I love to plan. I don't always follow through, but I do love planning and I think I'm pretty good at it. Organizing goes along with being efficient too, I think. My mind is always jumping to the best path to take.

My mind may be a fog at times, and my memory shot, but I am good at puzzles, especially spatial puzzles like Tetris or rearranging blocks to form pictures or whatever.

I can read fast. That used to be a good thing when I retained all that I read! Now it's a good lesson in slowing down and savoring the words.

I like to be creative. I like that about myself. I'm no Michelangelo, but I do ok for me.

Let's see, that makes 5 things so far. This is hard!

I can cook. Occasionally I try a recipe for something new, but I think I'm pretty good at throwing in this and that and coming up with yummy food to eat.

Read alouds. I do all the voices. Or try to. :)

I can finally stand in front of a group and talk to people without completely making a fool of myself.

I suppose I can teach. Kind of. Sort of. I'm doing it, right?

I still try new things. I don't always like it, but I force myself. After all, I can't grow too old and stodgy in mind as well as body, can I?

What about you? What do you like about you?

Don't forget to check out these other blogs:

~~Ana Maria at Bottled Ponderings~~

~~Christine at Epiphanies of Beauty~~

~~Barb at Praying for Grace~~


Tuesday, October 17, 2017

P.S. Feeling Alive

On the way to the doctor's yesterday, the radio was on in the car. Living in a rural area and heading to the "big city" meant a lot of channel scanning over clouds of static. I stopped on what sounded like a catchy tune, something I would like - upbeat, felt fun, and well, happy. Then I started to listen to the words. I'm still not sure what I think of them. 
Today's 31 Day prompt made me remember this song immediately. Is this guy crying out for help, or is he sending a message that despite this... mess in his head, he's fighting to live - and for a purpose (waiting for his day, not wanting to be alone). I don't know, but this song is stuck in my head now.
What do you think? Check out the lyrics:
Spirits by The Strumbellas
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't
I been looking at the stars tonight
And I think oh, how I miss that bright sun
I'll be a dreamer 'til the day I die
But they say oh, how the good die young
But we're all strange
And maybe we don't wanna change
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I spent a lot of nights on the run
And I think oh, like I'm lost and can't be found
I'm just waiting for my day to come
And I think oh, I don't wanna let you down
'Cause something inside has changed
And maybe we don't wanna stay the same
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
And I don't want a never ending life
I just want to be alive while I'm here
And I don't want a never ending life
I just want to be alive while I'm here
And I don't want to see another night
Lost inside a lonely life while I'm here
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
I got guns in my head and they won't go
Spirits in my head and they won't go
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
But the gun still rattles
The gun still rattles, oh
Written by Jeremy Drury, Jonathan Hembrey, Darryl James, Isabel Ritchie, David Ritter, Simon Alexander Ward • Copyright © BMG Rights Management US, LLC

Day 17: What Makes You Feel Alive

Day 17 of the 31 day challenge.

What Makes You Feel Alive

Ironic title considering I feel half-alive this morning despite a good night's sleep. Migraines will do that to a person. It's still there - a dull throbbing - and a fatigue that lies on me. At least it's manageable, liveable, and I can carry on with today's plans: a theatre show with the kids (Young Abe), out to lunch with my in-laws, and then energy-burning at a skate rink after with other homeschoolers. It's nice to have a week off.

So what makes me feel alive? I feel the need for a list today.

...the brisk autumn wind on my face.

...a cold winter's night looking up at the stars.

...dashing through the rain.

...seeing something beautiful.

...jolted awake at 3 am to check my son's blood sugar.

...jolted awake at any time in a panic, heart racing.

...jumping into the pool.

...reading a good book.

...watching an emotional movie.

...alone in the church with Jesus in the Tabernacle.

...after Confession!

...after writing.

...doing the dishes (usually).

...standing at the ocean's edge.

...waking up and realizing today you feel good.

What about you?

Don't forget to check out these other blogs:

~~Ana Maria at Bottled Ponderings~~

~~Christine at Epiphanies of Beauty~~

~~Barb at Praying for Grace~~


Monday, October 16, 2017

Day 16: A Fear You Would Overcome Given the Opportunity

Day 16 of the 31 day challenge. Over half-way! The headache lingers though duller. I was up most of the night, and I have a long morning ahead of me taking my son to the endocrinologist (long drive, long appointment).

A Fear I Would Overcome...



When I read this prompt the first thing that popped into my mind was fear itself. I would be rid of fear itself. A fear of fear leads to other fears, circles like a never-ending ferris wheel (not a favorite of mine). It heightens anxiety, throws everything out of proportion. It turns everything known into unknowns. I may have individual fears, but allowing fear itself to rule over me when anxiety hits... That I could do without.

What about you?


Don't forget to check out these other blogs:

~~Ana Maria at Bottled Ponderings~~

~~Christine at Epiphanies of Beauty~~

~~Barb at Praying for Grace~~


Sunday, October 15, 2017

Day 15: The Advice You Would Give Your Younger Self

Day 15 of the 31 day challenge. I have a killer headache today. The weather is changing and the wind is blustery so today will be short, sweet, and hopefully readable.

Advice I would give my younger self...


Would you go back in time to give yourself advice? Would you have listened? I hope I would have, but more than likely I would have thought I was crazy. And really, by changing the past, would that have changed your future for the better? I don't know.

...Skip college. Go for adventure and travel.

...Do more with art.

...Don't forget about God.

...Marry younger instead of waiting to graduate college.

...Forgive sooner.

...Persistently seek out doctor's help to feel better instead of giving up and just dealing with it.

...Fight for friendships and relationships.

I'm sure there is more, but my brain is throbbing. Enjoy your Sunday.

Don't forget to check out these other blogs:

~~Ana Maria at Bottled Ponderings~~

~~Christine at Epiphanies of Beauty~~

~~Barb at Praying for Grace~~